Robert Sexton Quote

...And hold me in the hands of love..., originally uploaded by Osvaldo_Zoom.

"Long after moments of closeness have passed,
A part of you remains with me
And warms the places your hands have touched
And hastens my heart for your return."
-Robert Sexton

Water Sex Part 4: Larger Bodies of Water

Summer / wave / ocean / sea / beach / natural light / water ripple / photography, originally uploaded by Cuba Gallery.

Part 4, sex in a large body of water, will complete my series on Water Sex.* It's been a fun little project, I have to say. And hopefully my readers have found it to be useful as well.

So, sex in an ocean, river, lake, pond, etc., or a large body of water is a bit more dangerous than sex in a nice, clean filtered and treated pool, hot tub, shower, or bath. There are all kinds of living organisms in natural bodies of water. Not to mention sharks in an ocean. Man, that would suck, right? Also currents, pollution, or just getting carried away and forgetting to come up for air. So remember to be careful!

However, the best porn I ever found was underwater ocean sex (starring someone named Devon, I think - for all those interested in looking that up later. Also it was in French.) in a variety of different positions with flippers and snorkels. It was excellent. And inspiring.

So, I recommend getting some underwater gear to make breathing easier, find a fixture to anchor yourself on (Devon used a big rock), and trying some fun stuff that gravity makes extremely difficult or impossible. Use your imagination. Try her in a scissors position with you between her legs. That was a favorite in the video. I say just try it all. Be adventurous and figure out what works.

*One thing you should know before getting started is that having sex in the water does have a health risk for a woman. If water gets into her vagina the pumping can cause it to go deeper into her. If the water is impure, that can set up infections and cause all kinds of nasty complications. Educate yourself about this before getting started.

Philadephia Story

One of my most favorite romantic movies (and in fact it is ranked #5 in the "Romantic Comedy" genre for the American Film Institute's top 10 films in a given category). I used to watch this movie quite a bit before I got married because it's such a fun wedding film.
Katharine Hepburn is perfect as Tracy Lord, a spoiled heiress who is getting ready to marry for the second time. And James Stewart is perfect as Macaulay Connor, a reporter who has been to sent to get the scoop on Tracy's high society wedding of the year. However Cary Grant is only OK in his performance. He really doesn't have the cadence to pull off the high energy, wordy role of C.K. Dexter Haven, Tracy's first husband who shows up at her wedding unexpectedly. Despite that, this film is hilarious. There are so many classic, funny scenes that you will forget entirely about Grant's less than stellar performance. This is a great movie choice if your girl is feeling a bit depressed.


Menu

Appetizer

Chive Blini with Creme Fraiche, Quail Eggs, and Terragon

Main Course

All American Roast Beef

Vegetarian Main Course

Roasted Portobello Mushrooms with Fontina

Sides

French-Cut Green Beans with Dill Butter

Luxurious Mashed Potatoes

Dessert

Strawberry Chocolate Mousse Cake

When She's Not Interested

Lonely, originally uploaded by LiluumAna.

Sometimes you're all into a girl and she is just clearly not into you. And it is obvious to everyone except you. And then when you finally figure it out, it's so embarrassing because all along people have been wondering when you would catch on. And maybe the girl now thinks you're like a stalker or something. Yeah. Don't let that happen to you! Here are some ways to tell whether or not she's into you:

-She doesn't take your calls. Or she makes excuses not to talk to you for very long when she does take your calls.

-She spends a lot of time with her arms crossed when you're talking to her.

-She pretends not to see you if you wave at her.

-She's only warm when she needs a favor or you are doing things for her. Like buying her things.

-She pats you on the head and says "You're so sweet."

-She always has an excuse when you ask her to do something.

-She flirts with other boys or girls.

-She tells you about her problems but doesn't care when you try to mention yours.

-She tells you about her dates or boy troubles and then says "You're such a good friend."

-She blows you off/ignores you if someone else comes along. Like when you're having a conversation and some guy comes up and she turns to him and excludes you completely from said conversation.

When listed out this way these signs seem very obvious. The trick is seeing them when they're in action. So go through the list and think about your interactions with Lady X. If you can say that 2 or more of these items fit your situation, then accept the fact that she is not into you and move on before she thinks you're creepy. And it is so easy to say "Well, she does this, BUT..." No buts, please. If she does it, then that's it. No excuses. Because, trust me, if a girl is into you, she will go out of her way to talk to you and pay attention to you and spend time with you. And if she's not doing that then she's not into you and you need to move on and find someone who is. Why waste your time? Also, if Lady X thinks you're creepy for not getting the hint she may tell her girlfriends, which will cement your reputation as a weirdo, needy, stalker type guy. That is really hard to recover from.

53

Shadows in the sky?, originally uploaded by Glockenblume.

What is your substance, whereof are you made,
That millions of strange shadows on you tend?
Since every one, hath every one, one shade,
And you but one, can every shadow lend:
Describe Adonis and the counterfeit,
Is poorly imitated after you,
On Helen's cheek all art of beauty set,
And you in Grecian tires are painted new:
Speak of the spring, and foison of the year,
The one doth shadow of your beauty show,
The other as your bounty doth appear,
And you in every blessed shape we know.
In all external grace you have some part,
But you like none, none you for constant heart.

-William Shakespeare

Water Sex Part 3: The Swimming Pool

Swimming Pool - Pileta, originally uploaded by Gabriel Robledo.

Part 3, sex in a swimming pool.* This is can be one of the trickier places to have sex, as pools tend to be very popular locations for people to congregate. But if you can manage it, it can be super fun.

So, once you've got the pool to yourself (as with the hot tub, try the middle of the night) there are several fun positions you can do in a pool that you can't do when on land just because of the limitations of gravity. For example, you could have sex standing up, which only a few people are ever able to manage on dry land. You stand there and she wraps her legs around your waist. It works very nicely. Another way is for her to face away from you and for you to hold her up and enter from behind. Then there's a variety of positions to try against the edge of the pool. The aforementioned positions, plus some variations on doggie style. If you find some lovely pool jets you might think about positioning her in front of one of them while entering her from behind. That can be a lot of fun.

The pool, unlike the hot tub, will not run the risk of overheating you. However, it can sometimes get uncomfortably chilly, which some men have a hard time maintaining an erection when they're too cold. Also, I find insects and frogs are more attracted to pools, so that can be a little icky. And be sure not to get carried away in climax and hold her head under water. That would be an embarrassing way of accidentally killing your girlfriend. Can you imagine the headlines? So yeah, be cautious.

*One thing you should know before getting started is that having sex in the water does have a health risk for a woman. If water gets into her vagina the pumping can cause it to go deeper into her. If the water is impure, that can set up infections and cause all kinds of nasty complications. Educate yourself about this before getting started.

The Shop Around the Corner

This sweet little movie inspired the modern day You've Got Mail with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. However this film is a timeless classic with letters instead of email and stars the incomparable James Stewart.

Alfred (Stewart) serves as the right hand man to Mr. Matuschek, a prominent store owner in Budapest, Hungary. He decides to answer an ad in the paper to write intellectual letters to a lady he's never met. In the process of doing so he falls in love with her and they decide to meet. A side story regards Alfred's nemesis and coworker Klara and her problems with life and love. And another side story regards Mr. Matuschek's wife and possible infidelity. It's a really nice story, surprising with its depth.

If you're interested in seeing this movie, here is a possible menu to prepare:

Menu

Appetizer

Potato Parsnip Latkes

Main Course

Beef Gulasch

Vegetarian Main Course

Wild Mushroom Pierogies

Sides

Fresh Herb Spaetzle

Pickled Red Onions

Dessert

Jam Filled Crepes

Romantic Idea

Moscow from Capital City Roof, originally uploaded by varlamov.

Rooftops are extremely romantic. If you're interested in taking your significant other on a sexy date, try a picnic on the rooftop of a big building in the city. Or maybe try star gazing from the roof of a house in the country.

Some other rooftop activities that could rock:

-Dancing

-Watching Fireworks

-Watching a Movie (like in the movie Chasing Liberty)

-Listening to the Radio

-Having Sex

So next time you're at a loss for something new and interesting to do for a date, think about moving things up a level or two.

I Swear

As I Look Up in the Sky [EXPLORED], originally uploaded by FrozenBlizzard.

I see the questions in your eyes
I know what's weighing on your mind
But you can be sure I know my part
'Cause I'll stand beside you through the years
You'll only cry those happy tears
And though I'll make mistakes
I'll never break your heart

I swear
By the moon and stars in the sky
I'll be there
I swear
Like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there
For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
I swear

I'll give you everything I can
I'll build your dreams with these two hands
We'll hang some memories on the wall
And when there's silver in your hair
You won't have to ask if I still care
'Cause as time turns the page
My love won't age at all

I swear
By the moon and stars in the sky
I'll be there
I swear
Like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there
For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
I swear

I swear
By the moon and stars in the sky
I'll be there
I swear
Like the shadow that's by your side
I'll be there
For better or worse
Till death do us part
I'll love you with every beat of my heart
I swear
I swear

-sung by John Michael Montgomery

Water Sex Part 2: The Hot Tub

Hot Tub on decking, originally uploaded by MrCrip.

It's time for Part 2, focusing on sex in a hot tub!* This is probably my favorite water sex location, and I think it's safe to say that a lot of people agree with me. The water is warm and bubbly, and those jets are amazing. Amazing.

So, there are a couple positions that are a lot of fun in the hot tub. The first is you reclining against the side and her sitting astride, facing away. Reverse cowgirl, if you will, but with you sitting up. It works really well in the water and the arrangement of the bench seats is very conducive to the proper movements. It's a lot of fun. However, it's hard to really make good use of those fabulous jets.

Another great position is to move her so she's facing a jet and enter her from behind. Then you could position her clitoris in front of a jet and move her around a bit. This particular position has all the possibilities of creating nuclear explosions if done correctly. I highly recommend it.

One thing to be wary of with a hot tub, is privacy. Make sure you're well hidden if your hot tub is outside. Using it in the middle of the night is a good way to go about this. Another thing, don't get overheated. Keep some bottled water nearby so you don't get dehydrated. It's easy to stay too long, considering your fun activities, but that could take a lot of the fun out of it. Pace yourself!

*One thing you should know before getting started is that having sex in the water does have a health risk for a woman. If water gets into her vagina the pumping can cause it to go deeper into her. If the water is impure, that can set up infections and cause all kinds of nasty complications. Educate yourself about this before getting started.

He's Just Not That Into You

This movie explains to women that the reason guys never call them, or act like jerks to them, or cheat on them, etc. is that He's Just Not That Into You [Them]. It's got a lot of different storylines with different characters going on, but it's a really charming little romance movie. It has a lot of big names like Jennifer Anniston, Ben Affleck, Drew Barrymore, Scarlett Johanson, Justin Long, Jennifer Connelly, Busy Phillips, and Ginnifer Goodwin. Whew, that is a lot of people! And they all do great jobs acting. I think this is a really nice movie for a low key evening at home.

If you're interested in a menu that will compliment this film, may I suggest:

Menu

Appetizer

Oven Roasted Fries

Main Course

Fast Deep Dish Pizza

Vegetarian Main Course

Phyllo Pizza with Smoked Mozzarella and Cherry Tomatoes

Sides

Sweet Sticky and Spicy Chicken Wings

Soft Garlic Breadsticks

Dessert

Instead of cooking, I recommend you grab a tub of Ben & Jerry's.

Meeting Certain Women

wet bar, originally uploaded by nardell.

Women tend to congregate where their interests lie. So if you want to meet a specific type of woman, consider this:

Hippie Chick: Farmer's Market, Health Food Store, Co-Op

Hipster Chick: Trendy Coffee Shop, Indie Band Concert, Music Store

Geeky Girl: Comic/Anime/Gaming Convention, Comic Book Store, Gaming Shop

Literary Lady: Library, Bookstore, Coffee Shop

Philosopher: Reading Proust on a Park Bench, Campus, Out-of-the-Way Bar


Sports Fanatic: Sports Bar, Stadium, Sports Shop

Fitness Fanatic: Jogging, Gym, Yoga Class

Young Professional: The Apple Store, Upscale Hotel Bar, Cell Phone Store (check with the iPhones or Blackberries)

Animal Lover: Dog Park, Pet Store, Volunteering at a Humane Society

Foodie: William Sonoma, the Bookstore's Cook Book Section, Upscale Restaurants

A Drinker: Bars, Liquor Stores, Clubs

The basic point is, frequent places that are associated with your interests. Chances are very good that you will find a girl there who is interested in the same things you are. It's a much better way of picking up a date than going to a bar and bringing out tired old lines. The connection will be better, the conversation easier, and the entire situation much healthier.

154

More Willard Brook, originally uploaded by *Michelle*(xena2542)-on/off flickr.

The little Love-god lying once asleep,
Laid by his side his heart-inflaming brand,
Whilst many nymphs that vowed chaste life to keep,
Came tripping by, but in her maiden hand,
The fairest votary took up that fire,
Which many legions of true hearts had warmed,
And so the general of hot desire,
Was sleeping by a virgin hand disarmed.
This brand she quenched in a cool well by,
Which from Love's fire took heat perpetual,
Growing a bath and healthful remedy,
For men discased, but I my mistress' thrall,
Came there for cure and this by that I prove,
Love's fire heats water, water cools not love.

-William Shakespeare

Water Sex Part 1: The Shower or Bath

RSVP Roman Tub with Handshower, Cross Handles, originally uploaded by brizofaucet.

To celebrate the incredible heat we've been experiencing, I've decided to do a 4 part series on water sex. Of course, I may increase the parts if I think of other things to say, but for now it's 4. And to kick it off, I thought I should delve into the pleasure of sex in the shower or bath.*

Of course I've discussed sexy showers before, and baths aren't so very different, but this time I figured I'd get into a few practical applications.

The logistics of having sex in the tub or shower can be somewhat awkward. There's limited space and a lot of showers and tubs are not made for two people (unfortunate but true.) So the very first thing you are going to need to do is purchase a movable shower-head. Once you have that things will be quite a bit easier.

So, if you want to have sex in the shower/tub, the best position is going to be her standing, bent at the waist, supporting herself on a bench or the sides of the tub, and you entering her from behind. Once you've got that bit down, you should snake the shower-head around and aim it at her clitoris. Put it one one of the lovely massage settings that has a pulse. Or let her choose the setting she would like. Having an orgasm from water hitting the clit is one of the best experiences ever in the history of the world. It may not take her long to climax.

For tub sex the best position will be you on the bottom and her sitting in your lap, straddling your penis. That gives you all kinds of nice access to her breasts and clit. That will make her happy, trust me.

Make sure to light a few candles and play some sexy music before getting started. Having a pleasant atmosphere can go a long way toward making your sexy shower/tub encounter more fun.

*One thing you should know before getting started is that having sex in the water does have a health risk for a woman. If water gets into her vagina the pumping can cause it to go deeper into her. If the water is impure, that can set up infections and cause all kinds of nasty complications. Educate yourself about this before getting started.

The Ugly Truth

A happy RomCom starring Katherine Heigl as Abby Richter and Gerard Butler as Mike Chadway. It's basically your typical romantic movie. Abby is an uptight producer for a low-ratings TV news show. Mike is an up-and-coming host of really offensive show that basically degrades women. He joins her cast and hilarity ensues. He tries to get her to loosen up and nail a doctor she's got her eye on, but then falls for her. I happened to like this movie quite a lot and so I suspect your girl will too.

Try this casual fare befitting a meal for one Mike Chadway:

Menu

Appetizer

Potato Skins

Main Course

Oven Baked BBQ Ribs

Vegetarian Main Course

Grilled, Marinated Eggplant

Sides

Boston Baked Beans

Tasty BBQ Corn on the Cobb

Dessert

Strawberry Shortcake

A Food Post

Pink garlic, by Loua

Today I want to talk to you about foods you should try to avoid when you're out on a date. Being out with a lady that you would, potentially, like to wake up in bed with, could hinge on one little detail. Do you know what that is? That's right! It's what you've been eating in her presence. Keeping that in mind, you may want to avoid the following foods when out on a date with a woman you want to impress:

-Beans (gives you gas)

-Garlic (gives you very nasty gas AND bad breath)

-Onions (gives you very nasty gas AND bad breath)

-Spaghetti (no one looks elegant while eating spaghetti)

-Broccoli (gives you gas)

-Coffee (gives you bad breath)

-Prunes (they give you gas, but really, what on Earth would possess you to eat prunes on a date? Unless you're like 80.)

-Milk and Milk Products (gives you gas)

-Brussel Sprouts (gas)

-Apples, Pears, and Peaches (gas)

-Spicy meat (bad breath)

-Fish (bad breath)

Whew, that is quite the list! And I know there are many more foods to avoid, which seems hard to believe. So here are a few foods you should feel perfectly safe eating:

-Parsley (it gives you fresh breath, so if they put a sprig on your plate, feel free to nibble it)

-Strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, etc. (again, fresh breath)

-Mint (order some mint tea, it will make your breath lovely)

-Salad

-Chicken or lean beef

-Mushrooms

Do you get the trend that women like fresh breath and tend to avoid guys with bad breath? Also gas. Basically girls don't like to smell stinky things. So keep that in mind the next time you take out a lady.

I awake filled with thoughts of you

Unmade White Linen I, originally uploaded by cactusinthesea.

I wake filled with thoughts of you. Your portrait and the intoxicating evening which we spent yesterday have left my senses in turmoil. Sweet incomparable Josephine, what a strange effect you have on my heart! Are you angry? Do I see you looking sad? Are you worried? ... My soul aches with sorrow, and there can be no rest for your lover; but is there still more in store for me when, yielding to the profound feelings which overwhelm me, I draw from your lips, from your heart a love which consumes me with fire? Ah! it was last night that I fully realized how false an image of you your portrait gives! You are leaving at noon; I shall see you in three hours. Until then, mio dolce amor, a thousand kisses; but give me none in return, for they set my blood on fire.

Bonaparte

69

It's messy, uncomfortable, awkward, and kind of weird, when you think about it. It's the method of 69-ing, or simultaneous oral sex, and it is insanely popular in the world of porn. Why is that?, you may wonder. (Though if you're a guy and you're reading this, you are probably not wondering why that is.) Well, it does look like fun and it's pretty hot, in its debauchery.

Partaking in a 69 can be one of the especially self-conscious activities for a woman, and really for men too. You get a clear view of each others nether regions. But that is also a plus, because it gives you each a clear view of what to touch and where. Which can really make the whole experience very pleasant.

The biggest problem with a 69, aside from the general awkwardness of the angles, is the loss of concentration as one party achieves orgasm. Usually the man orgasms first, since he can orgasm more easily than a woman. So if she gets you over the edge, remember to keep going on her, because really it's just rude not to.

A few more pointers:

-Try not to choke her with your penis. If possible pull your pelvis back a little to give her more room to work.

-The opposite is true for you doing her. You need to be pretty much right in there.

-Remember to have pillows at the ready because your necks will probably get tired from the odd angles.

-Remember to pay attention to her clitoris. It can be hard to reach, but make the effort.

-Do a little research on different 69 positions you can try. That could make a big difference if the traditional style just doesn't work for you at all.

Hopefully I've given you a few good ideas when it comes to 69. If you have any questions feel free to contact me and I'll see if I can address them.