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My 10 year high school reunion was over the weekend. So. Much. Partying. So. Much. Booze. I have tried to write a post for tomorrow. I have one started. I am pretty sure if I try to finish it, I will just cut it off in mid-sentence and go "The End" because I have been destroyed all day today from all the crazy goings-on from yesterday. So, yeah, check back next week for a post. Also, Washington Apple is the most delicious drink. Go have one!

Sonnets 04: Only Until This Cigarette Is Ended

cigarette, originally uploaded by lanier67.

Only until this cigarette is ended,
A little moment at the end of all,
While on the floor the quiet ashes fall,
And in the firelight to a lance extended,
Bizarrely with the jazzing music blended,
The broken shadow dances on the wall,
I will permit my memory to recall
The vision of you, by all my dreams attended.
And then adieu,—farewell!—the dream is done.
Yours is a face of which I can forget
The color and the features, every one,
The words not ever, and the smiles not yet;
But in your day this moment is the sun
Upon a hill, after the sun has set.

-Edna St. Vincent Millay

Do condoms go bad?

Take A Condom, originally uploaded by simonparisphotography.

Yes. Yes they do. Most condoms have an expiration date on the box they came in or on the individual packet. However, if you can't find the date, assume your condoms are no longer good to use after a year. I know some people will say they are OK even over a year, but I say you should play it safe. The latex and spermicide in the condom will become less potent and more prone to tearing after a year's time. And you don't want any diseases or babies to contend with.

Also remember to never use a condom you've been carrying around in your wallet. The stress of your body movements and the heat from your body will deteriorate the latex in the condom much faster. Instead make sure you always store your condoms in a cool, dry place. The beside table, for example. It's cool, it's dry, and it's convenient.

And always remember, when in doubt throw them out! And then go buy some new ones that glow in the dark!

Meet Me in St. Louis

A happy romantic musical starring Judy Garland. It has some of the most catchy music (meaning it will get stuck in your head for weeks) and some fun stories going on. Basically there's a family living in St. Louis just before the 1904 World's Fair and then the father decides to move everyone to New York. Of course this upsets the entire family, but especially the daughters who have boyfriends in St. Louis. Anyway, everything works out in the end. It's happy.

Menu

Appetizer

Cheese Tray with Olive Rosemary Skewers

Main Course

Corned Beef Brisket BBQ

Vegetarian Main Course

Corn Quinoa Salad

Sides

Roasted Root Vegetables

Dessert

Double Chocolate Layer Cake

Stress and Sex

Stress Reduction Kit, originally uploaded by programwitch.

If you're wondering why she won't have sex with you, the answer could be as simple as she's just feeling very stressed out. Stress causes all kinds of problems and one of the worst is loss of sexual appetite. Here are the top three reasons she could be stressing:

-Money. Money is one of the most common points of contention in a relationship. If your finances have been tight or one of you has experienced a job change, stress over money could be the reason she's not interested in sex.

-Body Image. If she's put on weight or gotten an unflattering haircut recently it could be that she's too self-conscious to want to have sex. Men never seem to understand how body image affects a woman's sex drive. However if she doesn't feel sexy, she's going to get stressed and she's not going to want to have sex.

-Work. If she has a horrible boss or doesn't like her co-workers or she's worried about her future with her employers, it could be causing her a lot of stress. And work stress is always some of the worst.

If you think any of those reasons could be causing your significant other stress, try to come up with ways to help her out. Bathes, massages, and cuddling time is always great. Seeing if you can help take some of the heat off her is also really good. Use your imagination and get busy trying to de-stress your lives!

70

LoVe by Shakespeare, originally uploaded by Elaine Tseng.

That thou art blamed shall not be thy defect,
For slander's mark was ever yet the fair,
The ornament of beauty is suspect,
A crow that flies in heaven's sweetest air.
So thou be good, slander doth but approve,
Thy worth the greater being wooed of time,
For canker vice the sweetest buds doth love,
And thou present'st a pure unstained prime.
Thou hast passed by the ambush of young days,
Either not assailed, or victor being charged,
Yet this thy praise cannot be so thy praise,
To tie up envy, evermore enlarged,
If some suspect of ill masked not thy show,
Then thou alone kingdoms of hearts shouldst owe.

-William Shakespeare

Birthday Sex

del.icio.us millionth user + birthday bash, originally uploaded by Laughing Squid.

Birthdays are the best times for sex! Surprise her by taking off your clothes and waiting for her to get home from work. Wear a party hat, as this is known to drive women wild. (I made that up.)

Or take off your clothes, wear a party hat, and hold a cupcake with a candle in it. Adding cake to nakedness is only a win situation. I am a firm believer in adding cake to naked men.

The best birthday present: Multiple Orgasms

The Importance of Being Earnest

Oscar Wilde. Do I really need to say more?

Yes? Well, OK then! Think Reese Witherspoon, Colin Firth, Rupert Everett, and Judi Dench. All in one tidy little movie about two fellows who pretend to be named Earnest, fall in love with women who "always wanted to love a man named Earnest", and then have to contend with all the difficulties that arise from pretending to be named Earnest. It's hilarious and worth watching. Which you should do, because I said so!

Menu

Beverage

Tea with milk and sugar

Appetizer

Boiled Egg with salt

Main Course

A plate of cold meats and cheeses served with crusty rolls.

Vegetarian Main Course

Cucumber Sandwiches

Sides

Roast Potatoes
Cauliflower Cheese

Desserts

Scones
Battenburg Cake
Fruit Cake
Victoria Sponge

Give Her Macarons

Sweet Macaroons, originally uploaded by chelstastic.

Macarons are the new "hip" dessert in town. Next time you want to pick her up a special treat, swing by your local bakery or French creperie and check out the macarons.

Here is a handy macaron flavor chart by Lauderee, so you can get the flavor(s) you like.

These would go perfectly with a bottle of French champagne or wine and a viewing of Amelie!

A Naughty Link

Drawing Photo Camera, originally uploaded by Studio Neko.

This is NSFW: Super Slip Shine. Full of lots of sexy fun comic romps. You have to become a member, but it is totally worth it!

Doggie Style

6 legs doggy style, originally uploaded by micheeky.

Doggie style is one of the best sex positions out there. The angle is ideal for a woman's pleasure, plus it gives you a nice leverage so you can go faster.

A few ideas to try next time you're doing doggie style:

-A vibrator on her clit. Just reach your arm around her side, or give it to her and let her do it herself

-A finger in her anus. Check with her to make sure it's OK for you to do that first. Also wear latex gloves

-Light spanking

-Her on the edge of the bed with you standing

-Grab her hair in a bunch, like it's in a pony tail and gently pull. If you do all of the hair like that it is unlikely to hurt

-Grab her breasts and massage them while you thrust

-Lightly run her nails over her back and hips. This feels really lovely

Use your imagination and come up with more stuff you can do with your honey while engaging in the most delightful sex position.

When it rains...

Rain drops on the window - This makes a cool water droplet background, originally uploaded by Cuba Gallery.

Sorry that I am once again not giving you a Wednesday post. It seems that Wednesdays are becoming difficult. An alliance of mild food poisoning, unemployment stress, and electrical problems conspired to make today's post not happen. I will do my best to get a post up for you next week, though.

The Art of Listening

nobody, originally uploaded by remography.

When your special lady-friend is complaining about a problem she is having, more likely than not she isn't wanting you to give her advice on how to fix her life. She is probably just wanting you to sit there and listen to her and sympathize.

I find that this is a popular misconception with most men. They hear a problem and they are immediately coming up with ways in which the problem can be remedied. Well, assume your girl is smart enough to have already thought of all of the solutions you have to offer. Then you can skip that whole offering a suggestion thing and go straight to listening silently, nodding in understanding, and adding the occasional "Wow, that really sucks" to the conversation.

Now, don't think that that means when she asks you for advice that you shouldn't give it. If she asks you "What do you think?" or "What should I do?" feel free to tell her. If she doesn't want to know your opinion she shouldn't ask.

However, most of the time she just wants to be heard. And she wants to know that you care enough to listen. So make sure that you do listen.

121

'Tis better to be vile than vile esteemed,
When not to be, receives reproach of being,
And the just pleasure lost, which is so deemed,
Not by our feeling, but by others' seeing.
For why should others' false adulterate eyes
Give salutation to my sportive blood?
Or on my frailties why are frailer spies,
Which in their wills count bad what I think good?
No, I am that I am, and they that level
At my abuses, reckon up their own,
I may be straight though they themselves be bevel;
By their rank thoughts, my deeds must not be shown
Unless this general evil they maintain,
All men are bad and in their badness reign.

-William Shakespeare

Fingering

Fingers of Love, originally uploaded by Brothersoft.com.

The super fun art of getting your lady-friend off by inserting your fingers into her vagina or anus and playing with her clitoris. How delightful! Need some advice on how to start? Keep reading.

-Trim your nails, file the rough edges off, and thoroughly wash your hands. Wear latex gloves.

-Rub some lubrication on your fingers.

-Run your fingers very slowly over her vulva. Do that for a few minutes until she starts to feel warm and wet.

-Very gently touch her clitoris. Press just above it and rub in a circular motion. Ask her if it feels good.

-Run your fingers through her slit down to her vagina and slowly insert one finger. Stroke it in and out a few times to get her used to the sensation. Insert a second finger.

-Keep up the stroking while at the same time using your other hand to rub her clitoris.

-Hook the two fingers you have inside her into a "Come here" signal. That should help to stimulate her G-spot. Continue rubbing her clitoris.

-Keep all of that up until she orgasms.

Of course if she tells you to change something then you should do what she says. Otherwise, try those steps and see if you have any success in bringing her to climax.

Oops

We've been throwing a breaker in the office, which means I can't use my computer for any decent amount of time before the power goes off. Because I don't want to fry my comp, I will try to have a dinner and a movie post for you next week.

Birthdays

Gluten Free Chocolate Button Birthday Cake, originally uploaded by ConsumedbyCake.

So it's her birthday and you are at a loss for what to do. No, you cannot just do nothing. No, you cannot just get her a funny card. And no, a gift certificate isn't enough. You have to put some thought and feeling into the gift you give her! Try one of these ideas:

-Take her to a nice restaurant. I'm talking 4 stars, if you can swing it. Get dressed up, get the door for her, get her chair for her, and talk about what she wants to talk about. Be extremely attentive the whole night. Give her a nice necklace or bracelet in a pretty box after dessert. Then drive her out to a field and watch the stars. You might get lucky. ;)

-Rent a swanky hotel room complete with a jacuzzi tub. Order in room service and spend the entire night massaging her, soaking in the tub, and watching a romantic movie on pay-per-view.

-Get her a vacation on a cruise line. Wrap the tickets (because you're going too, duh) up in a box complete with a new bathing suit, sandals, suntan lotion, and sunglasses. Give it to her after dinner.

-Throw her a surprise party. Rent a cabin in your local state park, invite all of her friends, buy tons of food and booze, then blind fold her and drive her up. You will look like the best boyfriend ever to all of her friends.

-Cook her dinner at home and bake her a cake. Spend the evening cuddling on the couch, watching episodes of Mad Men. Give her a nice present like a pretty book or piece of jewelry.

See something there that works for you? Go for it! Don't be afraid to embellish the activities appropriately.