A Dry Spell

The white desert - Uyuni - Bolivia, originally uploaded by gardawind.

It may interest you to know that approximately 43% of the female population experiences a lack of sex drive. The causes are vast and varied. Depression, stress, fatigue, birth control side effects, or disease are some of the more common contributing factors. So if your lady goes through periods of time where she's uninterested in a physical relationship, rest assured that the problem is probably not your fault.

However, having your erstwhile lover suddenly turn cold is extremely frustrating, I know! Unfortunately, there's not actually a pill she can take for it. And though she really should talk to a doctor about this serious problem, you also have to take an active role in helping her to get turned on again, provided she wants to get back into sex. Here are a few suggestions to getting your sex life back on track when she's fallen off:

1. Conversation! Talk to her about her sudden lack of interest and find out how she's feeling. Tell her how you're feeling as well. Often women think men just want fucking and don't actually care about the emotional aspects of sex. Tell her that if you just wanted an orgasm you could easily take care of that in the shower. Make sure she understands that the emotional part of having her there is the most important part of sex.

2. Try watching porn with her or reading dirty magazines. A woman's most potent erogenous zone is her mind. Write her a dirty story and then read it to her. It's so hot when my husband does that! Often I can't wait until he's finished to jump him.

3. Go sex toy shopping! Get a variety of fun creams and lubes and vibrators then go home and offer to try them out. This may be more for women who are only having a small dry spell. Women who are experience a more serious lack of libido will probably not be so interested in this option. You could still suggest it to her, though.

4. Tell her often how attractive you think she is and how much you care about her. Sometimes a woman loses interest in sex if she's feeling insecure. Every lady likes to hear that she's looking pretty, so remember to tell her!

5. Take her on a vacation. Sometimes she just needs to get away from the stress of every day life to loosen up and start feeling sexy again. Plan a romantic weekend away in a comfortable Inn. If you pick the right place she may not even want to leave the room, which is ideal.

Sometimes a woman is experiencing a more serious problem. If she's been uninterested in sex for a prolonged period of time, she definitely needs to see her doctor. If she has a history of relationship abuse, you both may need to see a couples therapist. Bad or abusive relationships that happened long ago can have a lasting impact and those are things that need to be worked on with a trained professional. Don't be afraid to ask her to get some help (though you should do it in a tactful way) if you're afraid the problem may be more than you can handle. And always let her know that you'll be by her side for whatever she needs, whether that's going to therapy with her or taking a hiatus from a physical relationship.